Finding out you’re pregnant
Finding out you’re pregnant or if you are planning to have a baby, a question which will pop into your head, ‘is now the right time to bring a child into the world?’
I already had 2 children when I found out I was pregnant again. Another baby! Was this the right time? I think that question is on most people’s minds when they find out they are having a baby. The truth is, there is no perfect time. But if it’s what you want then it will be the right time.
Those other emotional questions when finding out you’re pregnant…
As I said in My First Trimester blog, Rob and I did briefly talk about having a third baby. We had decided to have another, but we hadn’t decided when. We weren’t even trying but the one time we didn’t take precaution the question of when was answered for us.
When I got a positive pregnancy test all these other emotional questions hit me like a bus.
Can we financially afford this baby? Work is going so well at the moment is it the right time to take a year off? Will Holly and Mia want another sibling? Will I have time for this new baby as the girls take most of my time up in the evenings and weekends? We are extending the house and still renovating other rooms which isn’t baby friendly can we get it finished in 9 months?
But then I realised, I don’t have to answer these questions now I have 9 months to do that! I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason.
Kubler Ross Curve
My dad told me about this curve of emotions. He said ‘Hayley when a change does happen we all experience this curve’ that is, we enter emotional stages, which I went through when finding out I was pregnant –
1. Shock
I was completely shocked when I saw those 2 lines on the pregnancy test! As I said, we weren’t even trying. I felt very shaky, uneasy but yet surprised at the same time.
Due to lockdown I was working from home. I was able to sit on the stairs in my own surroundings and take this news in. That’s when all those questions I mentioned above hit me. I remember Rob coming home from work, it was a sunny day. He went outside in the garden and I watched him play with our girls. I listened to them both laughing and screaming with excitement because daddy was chasing them. I thought ‘we can do this a third time’. As I can see how happy and strong we are as a family. Once I told Rob, I felt so much better and positive about our news. He was shocked a little. But he took it well. I remember him saying ‘we’ve got to get this house baby proof’!!
My tip would be, to let yourself get over the initial shock first. Then take each day as it comes and don’t make any rash decisions.
2. Denial
Sometimes because you can’t see that your pregnant, you can programme your mind into thinking that a positive pregnancy test didn’t happen or was that pregnancy test even correct! This is what I did for a short time. I was so busy with working full time, doing the school runs, household chores and renovating the loft! I just threw myself at all those jobs. But when the morning sickness kicked in, that’s when I came out of this emotion and realised this is real!
3. Anger
This emotion started during morning sickness. I felt so fed up and a little angry because I was suffering from reflux which caused me to vomit. I had to take a few weeks off work which was spent mostly in bed. My house looked like a bomb had hit it! Rob had to continue renovating the loft, so most of the household chores could not be done (Ahhhh)!!! But the good news is the sickness did pass on my 12th week of pregnancy.
My tip is when your falling behind with household chores. Ask for help from a close family member or friend. I did and my mum came to the rescue!
Also this emotion can stem from telling friends and family your news and the way they react and say…….. “Are you going to find out the gender?, I hope it’s a little boy for you! Does Rob want a boy? or What if you get another girl?’. This got me quite annoyed. We are having a baby because we want to add another member to our family. Whether that is a girl or boy. Sometimes I think comments like this can add unnecessary pressure to a pregnancy journey. But I suppose it’s worth bearing in mind maybe the person saying these things are entering the ‘shock’ stage!
My tip is, if you know a person isn’t going to react to your news well. Ask someone else to pass your news on to that person. That way you don’t need to see their shock or reaction especially if it’s going to be negative.
4. Depression
When the pregnancy hormones Estrogen and Progesterone take over it is normal to feel teary, sad and emotional. Once the body has adapted to those hormones levels, it does settle down. As I said in my second trimester blog it’s about recognising these emotional surges that make you feel sad and teary and telling yourself this is normal and will clear up. Rob recognises these hormone surges too (after all he has been through this 3 times with me now!) and says ‘f$ck you hormones’ a line from the film Knocked up which makes me laugh!
My tip is to talk to your partner, husband, mum, friend, anyone who will listen as it’s good to express those feeling and not let them spiral out of control.
5. Acceptance
My favourite emotion! This is about accepting this pregnancy has happened and realising the amazing journey is about to begin. There are so many wonderful and emotional moments to experience before the little one enters the world. But I have learnt, from having my two daughters that 9 months may seems like a long time. But time passes by so quickly. So enjoy every stage because that precious little person is growing inside of you and it’s you who will feel those first movements and kicks which are priceless.
What I have emotionally learnt when finding out I was pregnant
Going through the Kubler Ross curve is like an emotional rollercoaster. But it is normal. When you accept it has happened you start to feel relieved, excited, happy and an overwhelming anticipation of the wonderful times that lay ahead.
It would be lovely to hear your pregnancy journey and if you too went through this curve when finding out you were pregnant?
