Men and women are different and when a baby is thrown into the mix, well a lot can happen. After a few months into parenthood, a relationship or marriage can start to breakdown. New parents will experience challenges they have never come across before. Then, adding tiredness, stress and even financial strains can bring problems to a relationship.
The Men
After doing some research of my own. I’ve found out, men hate to be ignored and like to be appreciated for what they do. For most men, ‘feelings’ aren’t a priority. Men think the best solution to a problem is to ‘leave it alone’ or ‘not get involved’.
My husband tells me ‘MEN NEED INSTRUCTIONS’. But as a woman my thought is by the time you tell them the instructions sometimes its quicker doing that task yourself, do you agree? Do comment below. I think I need to stop this and tell him the instructions. Otherwise I will constantly do that task all the time. As a woman I think we need to give men some/more responsibility!
The women
A relationship between men and women differ because they want different things from a relationship, hence the different planets from John Gray ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ book.
Women have lots of feelings, and these feelings shouldn’t be ignored. We want help and support with daily chores and tasks, we need reassurance from our doubts and fears. I think communication to talk openly about our feelings is a must because I find if you don’t, things can build up over time. Then one day all your emotions can erupt and what is said in the heat of an argument cannot be unsaid.
When a baby enters the world, women are even more emotional see my The Fourth Trimester and these feelings need to be understood by men. And to not shut us down with a sharp remark. As this can affect women mentally if these remarks continue from men.
Women’s hats
Women have A LOT of roles and responsibilities too fulfil. I call these ‘my hats’. Whereas I find men tend to do one task at a time. Maybe this is where the saying goes ‘men can’t multi-task’.
- The mummy ‘hat’ – this hat comes with so many roles and responsibilities, that I needed to break these down even further below 🙂
The chef
Some mums (like me) walk into the kitchen every morning and think ‘what will we have for dinner!’ Yep even at 7am, whilst preparing the breakfast! I’m normally the one who cooks the dinner for all my family. Oh and I am weaning my youngest daughter at the moment so I cook separately for her too! Luckily I do a batch of foods and freeze it, see my Weaning blog for more information.
The mummy taxi
I do most of the school drop offs and pick ups. Then it’s s after school activities. Mia (the middle child) does dancing, cheerleading and gymnastics during the week and weekend so again it’s s back in the car I go. Millie my youngest (currently 9 months old) gets to come too so its lugging and lifting her car seat around with me.
Mummy teacher
Ahhhh homework! Ok, so I do agree with homework when children go to secondary school. But when children are in junior school, I think reading at home is more than enough. Each week Mia gets maths, reading and literacy work. What homework is your child given? Do you agree with it? Let me know in the comments section below.
Mummy doctor
If any of my daughters are sick they want me, is your child the same? Let me know in the comments section. It’s s nice to be wanted at their time in need. But not when they vomit all over you.
The seasonal organiser
I buy most of the Christmas presents aka Father Christmas/Santa, I decorate the Christmas trees (my mum does help out here) and make it festive in our house. For Easter I decorate the house and buy all the eggs for the hunt around the house. For birthday parties I again do all the organising and planning. I buy all the bits needed like the party bags, cupcakes etc.
The food shopper
I do all my food shopping online. As I have the app on my phone and I tend to do this of an evening. I get my shopping delivered roughly every 2 weeks.
The mummy payer
I check all the household bills are paid. Then submit the gas and electricity meter readings every few months too. I pay for both my daughters school dinners. They have separate school accounts for this. Also this will include any further payments of any school activities the girls want to do at school.
The clothes shopper
When the girls need new clothes or shoes, mummy comes to the rescue and I am the one (and my mum comes along too) that takes them.
The laundrette
Washing and ironing seem to take over my life. I get so happy when the wash basket is empty, which doesn’t happen much as I always find that one item of clothing on the floor or tucked down the side of my daughters bed lol.
The hanger upper
After standing around ironing I will hang all the clothes up. As I don’t want them to get re-creased! I do ask my daughters to help which they do, but sometimes I feel like I am nagging them. So, I just hang the clothes up.
The mummy cleaner
I do get some help around the house with cleaning. But on a daily basis I will tidy up different rooms of the house. Clean the kitchen worktops, put toys away, wash baby bottles or some dishes as I am lucky enough to have a dish washer.
Mummy time
After a long day children need some mum and dad time. It’s a time to talk about the day or just have a bit of fun or cuddle on the couch.
Days out co-ordinator
Yep I also plan our family days out, I buy the tickets and my husband normally does the driving to get there.
The play date mummy
Having young children, I enjoy these play dates. As it gets me out of the house for a couple of hours. Then I obviously return the play date favour by having my daughters friend and mum round at our house too.
All the above are part of my mum hat and the below are my ‘other’ hats I must wear daily too
The mummy full-time worker ‘hat’
Having a full time permanent job can bring more stress in a household. I do sometimes struggle to switch off from work and I do moan about my day to my husband. He always tells me to leave my work issues at the front door but it’s s so hard to do that. I need to get feelings and emotions off my chest especially if I’ve had a tough day.
The wife ‘hat’
This hat should never be took off. This is the time a husband and wife should spend time together and take a time out from social media and the world. But when I look above at all the things I have to deal with daily I realise that I need more hours in the day. But also to remember to make time for the person I fell in love with.
The renovation mummy ‘hat’ –
Renovating a home or living on a building site which I have done so for the past 5 years. Can bring more problems and family arguments. These arguments can be over the silliest of things like a plate not been washed. When living through a renovation its good to help one another out.
The mummy blogger ‘hat’
Finding the time to get a hobby. How do I find the time for a hobby I hear you say, especially with what goes on in my life daily. All mums need that hobby to unwind. I know some mums go the gym, join weight watchers, sew, knit, read books etc. For me I write blogs as it allows me to reflect on life, reassess my emotions and share my journey and opinions with my readers.
So what can men do to help women to allow their marriage or relationship to continue? I think men just need to understand and recognise all the hats women have to wear in order to get through the day. And women need to realise we can’t do everything and we need to let a man wear/take some hats off us. What I have really learnt is, that the time you do have with your husband/partner needs to NOT be the leftovers’. What I mean when I say leftovers is, all my energy goes into my job (as bills needs to be paid), all 3 daughters, then come the end of my day I feel tired and drained and there is nothing or very little energy for the husband/partner. Overtime if that continues, then your relationship or marriage will be affected and slowly the distance sets in. Then before you know it, the arguments start. My advice is stop, think and make time for each other.
What do you think? let me know in the comments section.
